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How to Deal With People Talking About You Behind Your Back

Being talked about behind your back can feel hurtful and embarrassing. It may be tempting to lash out or ignore the problem completely, but there are healthier ways to manage the situation. If you're ready to take control, start by understanding why people are talking about you and then choose a response that works best for your situation.

Steps

  1. Recognize why the gossip exists. Gossip often arises from people's insecurities. People may pick on you out of jealousy, or to make themselves feel more important or powerful. Consider that talking about someone else may boost their own self-esteem.
  2. Think about how to reduce the level of gossip. If the gossip is about something that you did (or didn’t do), think through how you can help stop the gossip. For example, if there's a rumor that you cheated on a test, explain to people what happened.
  3. Reject the gossip. Remember that, even if there's some truth to the gossip, no one has the right to talk about you behind your back. Let them know that this kind of gossip is unacceptable.
  4. Be assertive. Explain how the gossip has been affected you, on both an emotional level and in terms of any personal losses you may have experienced. For instance, if you’ve been denied a job because of a rumor that's been spread, explain that to whoever is talking.
  5. Focus on yourself. Don’t let other people’s words define you. Instead, focus on being the best version of yourself and achieving your own goals and dreams. Don’t give in to what people want to see from you.
  6. Pay attention to your mental health. Talk to a friend or family member if the gossip is affecting your mental health. Consider reaching out to a licensed counselor or therapist if you need additional help.
  7. Seek legal advice. If the gossip is getting out of hand or you’re being harassed, then you may want to speak to a lawyer. A lawyer may be able to help you figure out your legal rights and how to protect yourself.
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