How do you set boundaries with a toxic family?

Setting boundaries is best done with a graceful or neutral tone. This will feel uncomfortable at first, but as you take care of yourself, the personal power you gain will make it easier. When setting boundaries, there is no need to justify, give excuses, or explain your feelings—just be firm, gracious, and direct. When faced with resistance, repeat your statement or request. For example, if you have family members that show up unannounced, you might say "We appreciate seeing you and at the same time, we ask that you respect our privacy and call us first."