1 Answers
Boundaries of not being manipulated are necessary. Remember that these tactics to control others are usually unconscious on their part, otherwise they wouldn’t do it. If you notice it, you’ve sort of got the hot potato of awareness, and you need to decide what to do with it, if anything at all. I’d be curious if there isn’t something happening in the relationship, either that is making one or both of you anxious? Has there been a big change recently, did you just finish school, or a year of classes together? Is one of you moving? If none of this is happening, I’d recommend looking within, what exactly is being manipulated? Is it annoying, or is this person really threatening you in some way? What part of you is being manipulated? Is it money, time debting, another friend? Figuring out what the stakes of their manipulation are is key. It’s not that we are purposefully manipulative in relationships. These patterns may have worked in their family system and now that you are building a new family system with your friend, they are unconsciously trying to apply the old rules, and it’s not working for you. Speak up somehow. You don’t have to do anything big, just pause. Let there be space around the manipulation.